Living life

My last post seemed a bit of a ramble relating to the Spoon Theory and through it I changed my way of thinking about MS really.

Yes I have MS and I may not have the life I used to, but I am still able to do things. My friend challenged me the other night not to think about having had MS since January but to remember that the neurologist said this has been creeping up on me since 2006. So I should see it as having lived with MS since then and look at what I did/achieve in those years - and see that these things where done with a 'invisible' illness to me, and if I did them then, then I can do them now.

So what can I be proud of from 2006 to now -

• holding down full time jobs in the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, a law firm and a skills event
• going to Mozambique to visit my sister
• going to Serbia, Bosnia and Croatia on a taste of mission trip
• going to Hungary on two week mission trip
• going on holidays to Morocco, Iceland, Berlin and Italy
• serving in my church
• living in Peru for a year
• going white water rafting

This is to list just a few things, and am sure there are more but these are good memories for me to hold on to.

So yes I did those things with MS lying dormant in me, but showing itself through different illness:

• Vertigo
• Panic attacks
• Anxiety attacks
• Urinary Tract Infections
• Chest Pain
• Post viral fatigue syndrome

But I did not give up then, ok so I had to slow down at times and had times of depression, but I still carried on. So what my friend is saying is, that life still goes on, yes now I know I have MS, and yes I need to slow down when my body tells me, and yes I have to take 26 tablets a day, and yes I have to inject myself every week - but I am still going. I just need to learn how to be patient and take one day at a time.

I may not be able to do everything that I used to do, or do everything I want to do, but I do what I can and I need to learn to be content with that - life ain't over yet - I could still maybe achieve my 'bucket list' - I just need to learn to be patient. The main thing that drags me to the ground is my depression and negative thoughts - need to get a hold on them - its easier said that done - but need to develop my techniques more re getting out of those negative thoughts.

Everyone struggles, not just me. Life is about 'one day at a time' and being thankful everyday.

I hope my ramblings are ok. Anyone who knows me/sees me weekly or daily or had my numbers, email, facebook, twitter then just feel free to remind me of these things and kick me up the backside - but also depression is real and it can really attack someone and no matter how hard we try to think straight we can't at times.

Everyone needs looked after, and everyone needs TLC - no matter who they are or what they are going through.