Life: The Here and Now

At the minute I feel lost.  I have had months of being more or less content with life and having peace and joy in my heart.  I enjoy my job - though it could be more challenging for me, I have good friends and a good family.  I have a Christian Community around me. I have had joy.

However the past few days I feel the joy has taken a side step and I feel lost.  My job is nearly at an end – am covering maternity leave – my finances are not great and I have had a few health issues and my anxiety seems to be taking over.

I know that there is no point in worrying as that can make me worse and I should take all my concerns to God. I do take my concerns to God, I ask him to deal with them as I cannot.  However, I am also good at taking my worries and concerns back the very next day.

It is hard to see a way forward at the minute and I know the only thing to do is pray God will reveal his plans to me one step at a time.  All I have to do is follow and trust in Him.  God has always provided jobs for me in the past when I needed them, he has never left me stranded.  But uncertainties still cast a shadow over life.

I know I need to hold onto to the truth and obey what is in God’s word.  As it says in Philippians 4 v 6 “Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done”

That last bit is very very important – we mustn't focus on what we do not have but be thankful for what we do have. Focus on what we have got and not what we do not have. Focus on the positives and not the negatives.

Faith: Do Not Worry

Does anxiety lead to worry or does worry lead to anxiety?  Whatever way, the two things go hand in hand. Worrying makes us anxious and being anxious makes we worry.

It is hard not to worry about things – finances, work etc. However as a Christian the Bible tells me not to worry, but it is difficult not to worry especially when you suffer from anxiety. It is like a vicious circle.

Worry can change the way you think and can make you fear the worst in every situation, however small.  This can make you worry even more. Like I said, it is a vicious circle.

The key in trying to overcome this vicious circle is to challenge the way you are thinking.  This sounds easy but it can actually be quite difficult. However, when it does work it is good as it will help break the vicious cycle of anxious thoughts that increases the worry.

I try to change the way I am thinking but sometimes it is difficult to do.  When these times happens, I do or try to do one of three things?

1.  Pick up the phone to talk to someone which helps take my mind off myself
2. Watch something funny  - laughing is good for the soul
3.  Read the Bible and pray – turning the focus away from me and onto God – taking my worry and anxiety to him. 

Sometimes I need to do all three, but also sometimes I just let the thoughts take control and I cry. Crying can be good – gets things out of your system, but it hurts the head and stings the eyes, and can leave you feeling worse.

We need to challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with what we know is true e.g I am just not good enough  - needs to be changed to, it doesn't matter if we are good enough, we are loved and not only by our friends and family, but also by God.

The great thing about being a Christian is that God loves us for who we are – imperfect people.

Below are those verses from the Bible which tells us not to worry.  They can be found in Matthew 6 v 25-34

25 “I tell you this: Do not worry about your life. Do not worry about what you are going to eat and drink. Do not worry about what you are going to wear. Is not life more important than food? Is not the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds in the sky. They do not plant seeds. They do not gather grain. They do not put grain into a building to keep. Yet your Father in heaven feeds them! Are you not more important than the birds? 27 Which of you can make himself a little taller by worrying? 28 Why should you worry about clothes? Think how the flowers grow. They do not work or make cloth. 29 But I tell you that Solomon in all his greatness was not dressed as well as one of these flowers. 30 God clothes the grass of the field. It lives today and is burned in the stove tomorrow. How much more will He give you clothes? You have so little faith! 31 Do not worry. Do not keep saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or, ‘What will we drink?’ or, ‘What will we wear?’ 32 The people who do not know God are looking for all these things. Your Father in heaven knows you need all these things. 33 First of all, look for the holy nation of God. Be right with Him. All these other things will be given to you also. 34 Do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will have its own worries. The troubles we have in a day are enough for one day”

We need to take one day at a time, and if needs be, take one second at a time, it’s all we can do. 

Life: Anxiety

I suffer from anxiety, it is part of my MS and it is probably just part of my human make-up.  It is an awful thing to have as not many people understand it and don’t get my fear of being in crowds because of the possibility of panic attacks.  To me, anxiety real, it’s an illness.

However, as a Christian, I sometimes feel that people think I shouldn't be anxious or have anxiety issues as it says in the Bible “Do not be anxious” and “Cast all your cares on me”.  And with Jesus we should have joy and not despair.  This is all well and good and yes I do try to give everything to God and cast my cares on him, but anxiety is an illness, it is real.

Anxiety is a normal healthy reaction, but it doesn't feel healthy. When you are anxious your bodily systems speed up.  In certain circumstances this can be a definite advantage.  It means that you are ready for action and enables you to respond quickly if necessary.  It doesn't feel like this for me. And moderate amounts of anxiety are meant to actually improve your performance.  I get very anxious in interviews, and it isn't very helpful.

Anxiety really becomes a problem when it interferes with our everyday lives, which it does for me.  For example I get anxious going to church and it is very difficult for me sometimes to walk through the church door, but I do it. Sometimes I want to leave church halfway through the service but I stay rooted.  Then there is coffee afterwards – the anxiety rules me here – my instinct is to run away, and sometimes I do, but that is not always the best idea.  Sometimes we have to fight the anxiety.

Why is a church a problem?

a) Because I walk in alone and never know where to sit or who with.

b) Because when I first took ill with my MS I got dizzy and had a few bad spells in church, so my brain goes into danger alert as it doesn’t want to go through that again.

I could easily sit at home and not go to church, and sometimes I do.  But how does that help me? It doesn’t, it denies me the chance to go to worship God and fellowship with other believers.

Anxiety is a normal health reaction. For me it doesn’t feel like that.  You cannot banish anxiety completely from your life but what we do need to do, it learn to manage it.  Something I struggle with.

So how does anxiety make me feel?

1. Worried
2. Nervous
3. Panicky
4. Stressed Out
5. Worked Up
6. On Edge

It is normal to feel anxious before exams/interviews.  It is only considered an illness when you feel that way all of or nearly all of the time.  And I do, I shake, I panic, my heart beats fast and I feel queasy.  This is generalised anxiety – but my goal is to not let it rule but to manage it.  I take tablets but they don’t cure me.

As I said before, anxiety, I believe is part of my human make-up, as anxiety usually effects those who are more sensitive, those with an emotional nervous system. Their bodies’ arousal response might be triggered more quickly and take a longer time to calm down.

It is important as I mentioned before not to let the anxiety rule you, we need to manage it. It is also important not to compare yourself to others or let others tell you how you should be behaving.

But we need to remember why anxiety affects us in order to manage it.  What keeps anxiety alive?    

a) Because of the way you behave, especially if you avoid the situation you fear.

  b) Because of beliefs you have about the situation and its consequences

For example, some people avoid meeting other people because they believe that they will be rejected and they will not be able to cope with the feeling of rejection.  This is one of the reasons for my anxiety.  But it is true or is it an exaggerated, irrational belief about what will happen in the feared situation?

I find it helpful to evaluate my thinking when I am anxious, but I admit this can be difficult to do and it doesn’t always work but like I keep saying, it’s important for me to manage the anxiety as I don’t want it or can’t afford it to ruin my life – If I did I would just sit at home all day, watch TV and eat – eventually isolating myself from life and friends.  Not good for me as depression kicks in.