The next few days

When I first was told I had MS I felt numb, it was hard to take it and took me a while to process it - think its a daily ongoing process especially in the first year as you are learning more about it and how it exactly affects the body and your life.

But what exactly where my thoughts/concerns on the initial few days?

16th January 

The scariest thing for me about my illness was (and still is) the loss of memory. I couldn't remember taking my tablets, or things which happened the day before or even 10 minutes before. I know you might be saying, but this happens to everyone, but its still scary especially when still in early 30s.

I did not cope at all well that day with the news.

17th January

God has a purpose for every life - something I was told during that week, but it made me think - what was his purpose for mine because since February 2013 it was like a roller coaster for me and I found it hard to see what my purpose was, The main question I was asking that day was "Why have I got MS?"  ... but God was not giving up on me, on my reading that day I came across the following statement: "Nothing happens to the child of God by mistake" (Barry Coombs). I suppose I needed to trust God that the MS is for my good and not my ill. Not easy though.

18th January

Today I decided to write down the good things and focus on them and not the bad. Here are a few good things from that day:

• Coffee with a friend
• Phone call from ex colleague in London
• Drove for the first time in four weeks
• Got flowers and a visit from my Aunt and Uncle 
• Phone call from friend in London
• Skype with another friend

Emotionally it was a very mixed day.

19th January 

Emotionally this was a bad day and also physically as well, but yes there were positives:

• Made it to Church
• Got hugs and kind words from many people
• People prayed for me

20th January

Emotionally again this was a bad day. I felt that now I had the diagnosis I was on my own and had to learn how to deal with it by myself - which is partially true - no one else can help you deal with things in your head, that's up to you - but I did have people to support me so not alone on the support side.

Positive thing about this day was I met up with two friends from London who were over on a holiday. Even out of the city people don't forget about you.

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During those following days and weeks I had many an phone call, letters, visits and outings from people all wanted to encourage me and let me know their love and friendship for me. I had no faith in myself during this time and asked my friend why she seemed to have faith in me, and the answer was: "You are intelligent, gifted, have faith and God has a plan for your life"

So what did I have to do - well I had to give my MS to God, leave it with him and trust him (easier said than done) and take one day at a time.