Recently I have been in a mood where I need to be around less people and have had days where I did not want to see or talk to anyone - this is very unlike me - or is it?
I have has plenty of these days when I was growing up and also when working in London and needed 'me time' or in Peru when needed space from the Spanish language all the time and needed a clear head. This is described by people as Cave Time and is where you go to recharge your batteries etc.
This cave time coupled with depression does not help matters at times either, but I am learning to be content and at peace - I take one day at a time and if need be, then I do an hour at a time. I have quite enjoyed my cave time as it is a re learning for me.
Since MS hit me, or even a few months before that, basically since coming home from Peru and trying to settle back in to Northern Ireland after 14 years away I have needed people around me, needed to connect with people, talk with people and just be with people. During this time I have been guilty of taking people's cave times away from them. I apologise now as I remember that these times are needed. They are not a sign of walking away but are a sign of trying to reconnect with yourself.
It has been a weird two years since coming back to Northern Ireland after being away, but I think the person who I was is coming back, but this person is also being made into the me I want to be and the me God wants me to be. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to live in a cave, I want to be with people as well as we were made for relationships - but now I re understand the importance of cave time.
MS brings depression along with it and yes I will struggle daily with this like many people do - could be an hour to hour day or just a day at a time, but resting in the cave along with God does help bring restoration and reconnection. The ability to be in company with yourself and be content is one hard thing to learn but important.
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