Flash Fiction: Energy Draining

I had just walked through the door, didn’t even have time to take my coat off when my mobile rang.  Not again, I thought, I can’t deal with this right now so I didn’t answer.  Not quite two minutes later my landline started ringing, checked caller ID, it was ‘her’ again.  I wasn’t in the mood to have another conversation with her, having already spoken to her twice today, so I ignored the landline and put the kettle on.  I really needed a cup of tea, it had been a difficult day.

My mobile rang again, checked caller ID, same person, still I ignored it.  It rings off and my landline rings again, same person.  How many times will this go on tonight!  My mobile rings again, this time I answer it as I need a night off.

“What’s wrong?” I say

“I can’t do this anymore, I am fed up. Nothing is going right”

Internally that was exactly what I was thinking, I am fed up with all this too!

“We have gone through all this before, so many times. Take a breath, wipe away your tears and assess what the truth is”

“The truth is no one likes me. I have no friends.  My life is crap”

“Is that really true?”

“No, suppose not”

“So why say it?”

“Because it’s how I feel”

“But it’s not true, so why say it?”

“I don’t know.  It’s the depression, it takes over and I can’t help it”

“Yes I know that, but you need to take control of it, don’t let it control you.  Has CBT taught you nothing?”

“I can’t remember”

“Well we know that’s rubbish.  Now go and lie down and sleep, you are tired.  I am tired, been working all day and now all I want to do is drink a cup of tea, relax and watch TV”

“But…”

“No buts, I am going and that’s final. Now don’t call again. Go to bed. Sleep.  Tomorrow is a new day”

“I know but it won’t be any different. I will still be ill. I will still be depressed. I am better off dead”

Oh my, my brain is fried.  This wee girl is frustrating me.  It is the same story all the time, every week this goes on.  It drains me completely of energy.  She is being selfish but she can’t see that.  I just want my life back – but what can I do, I can’t just leave her alone and walk away from her can I? If I do leave her, what of person does that make me?  But it is so hard, so draining.

Despite me saying the conversation is over, she is still talking, but I can’t take it anymore so I get heavy with her.

“Look I am going now. I am hanging up. It’s late. I am tired. I am fed up. You are tired. You need to go to bed. I will be in touch.

“But…”

“I said no more. I will be in touch”

“When?”

“I am going.  Bye”

And that’s it. I hang up.  I am done.  Part of me feels bad, but I know this isn’t the end.  Despite me saying no more contact, there will be text messages and emails.  It is so draining.

I re-boil the kettle and eventually get my cup of tea, and since I am stressed there is only one thing for it - chocolate.  So I go to the cupboard and pull out the big bar of galaxy, ironically bought to me by my frustrating friend!!  I take my tea and chocolate to the living room, sit down, turn the TV on and put my feet up. Then I drink my tea and eat my chocolate.  Heaven.

Beep beep.  There goes my phone. Caller ID, her again. Told you, texts will come in.  I leave the phone down again without reading the text.  I still feel stressed so decide to put the music on, and put it on loud. I need to dance it out.  Dancing it out is a good stress relief, highly recommend it!

After 15 minutes of dancing it out, I start to feel a bit better.  The releasing of endorphins as helped as well as all the chocolate. Ended up eating the whole 500g bar.  Oops!

My phone is still beeping but I have had enough. I am going to bed. Deal with this all again tomorrow.