Faith: Love and Fear

Previously on my blog I have posted / retold / stolen blog posts from Emma Scriviner and am about to do the same again.  Her recent one called A Greater Safety made me think and it seemed as if she was talking about me – it relates to many people I am sure

How would you describe yourself? Not the outside appearance: the inside.  YOU. What parts do you love? And what bits do you hate?

Chances are, the bits you like least are the very parts that God can use most.

The soft heart that’s easily crushed.

The fears that turn you to prayer.

The grief that helps you comfort.

The weakness that looks to His strength.

Sparrow hearts, fluttering in our palms.

The unlikely

The lesser

The least presentable.

These things we hide - sometimes, they’re what’s most real about us. And in God’s hands, they’re the most precious.

But these are the parts we’re tempted to squash - or take for granted.

Sometimes I feel I have a dirty secret – and the secret is me. I don’t want to be in the light because I hate what I might see.

Little things terrify me. Being out of control. New people. New places. Honesty.  Vulnerability.

Why do I despise them? Because the enemy attacks the bits of us that are best and brightest.

A hunger for justice - that spills into anger.

The desire to bless – that becomes a need to be needed.

A quick wit – that crushes and cuts.

I’m ashamed and fearful and doubting and weak. I don’t want anyone to see it.  So I put my head down and keep small and safe. I turn inwards.  I listen to the lies. Except that occasionally, I don’t.

Sometimes I step out. That’s when I’m most real. That’s what draws me to the community I fear.

However, stronger than the fear is the freedom that Christ has bought. And deeper than the shame, is the truth.

I’m a mess. But the the blood of Jesus is for me as well. And if He covers over me, He covers over you. I’d stake my life on it. Because He’s already  staked His.

On the cross, the greatest wickedness became the most stunning redemption. But if you’d asked those Calvary bystanders, “do you see the beauty here?” they’d have thought the question in poor taste. As we follow Jesus, crosses become resurrections, shame becomes glory, the parts we despise are redeemed.  What looks like weakness is turned to strength.

We reach across to others – because we see them limping too. We see in them the things we hate in ourselves: softness, the neediness, the feeling too much. But now, it looks different.