I didn't want this meeting to end
the way it did, but he went too far one time to many and what was I supposed to
do, sit there and take it? No, it was time I took a stand and defended myself.
We hadn't seen each other in years,
and the meeting was not wanted by me, because there was no love lost between me
and him any more, he was a nightmare and I was glad we never saw each other. And
up until now he didn't want anything to do with our kids, but I suppose things
change when someone dies.
Our youngest son, Luke who was
five years old had just died and I had to meet his father, my dreaded
ex-husband to discuss the funeral arrangements. Why he was having a say so in
things was beyond me since he left our family as soon as Luke was born and had
never had a desire to know him when he was alive. But being rich and having
good lawyers got him practically anything he wanted.
As I walked into the room,
Andrew, could never been civilised to anyone who stood in his way didn't even
say hello how are you or how our other boys were doing, no he started berating
me for being a bad mother. A bad mother, I tell you, that was rich coming from
the ‘I'm not interested in this family any more’ man! He was querying the way
Luke died. He was putting all the blame on me.
It was a hard day for me when
Luke died. We were in the park together walking the dog, and Luke being a
typical young boy was running around chasing after Buster who was heading
towards the pond. I shouted at Luke to stop chasing Buster and don’t go too
close to the pond, but he pretended he didn't hear me. He was right beside the
pond edge, I walked quickly towards him to get him away, but he ran on, then
all of a sudden he slipped and fell into the water, hitting his head on a large
rock on the way.
All I could see was the blood
mixing with the water and Luke disappearing from me. I managed to drag him out of the water, but
he wasn't breathing. I didn't really know what to do, I was beside myself but I
managed to get him lifted up, carried to the car and drove him straight to the
hospital, where unfortunately it was too late, my wee baby was dead. I blamed
myself, because he was my son and I should have been looking after him but the
nurses told me that I had done all I could.
However, Andrew did not see it this
way and accused me of all sorts. First of all he accused me of taking my eyes
of Luke, then he accused me of allowing him to fall in, then he accused me of
not moving fast enough to rescue him, but I moved as fast as I could. However
Andrew was so nasty, he would probably accuse me of pushing Luke in next, and I
wouldn’t put it past him, but I would never do that to my flesh and blood, my
boys were everything to me.
I was furious at the way Andrew
was talking, and I was already grieving for my son, so I did the only thing I
could at that time to keep me sane which was run at him with all fists flying.
He was yelling at me to calm down and stop over reacting. That made me even
worse.
Andrew has made me mad many a
times before but I never had the confidence or the will to stand up for myself
and defend myself. But here and now I had to, I had to defend my character and
my love for my child.
Andrew tried to stop me by
grabbing my hands, but I just kept punching him until I managed to get control
of him. He made me so angry, I do not know what I ever saw in him or why I ever
married him in the first place. Oh yes, because he got me pregnant and it was
the right thing to do at the time, well so my parents said anyway. They never listened to my protests, they
thought Andrew was a charming man, little did they know! And they like the fact
he was rich too!
The night Andrew got me pregnant,
was only the third time we had been on a date together, and I ended that date
with bruised ribs. His idea of sex was
abusive, forcing himself upon me and beating me up. I blamed myself, thought it was my fault it
happened, well that’s because that’s what he told me and I believed him. As I
mentioned before my parents didn't believe me, and the fact he never left me with
bruises on my face meant his treatment towards me wasn't noticeable to
outsiders.
We were married nine years of
marriage and three sons together. I
ended up in hospital a few times after the beatings, and though Andrew also
told the nurses I fell down the stairs or something like that, the nurses weren't
stupid. They knew what he was doing to me. They tried to help me stand up to myself but I
never was able to before, was too scared he would move off abusing me and start
on the kids. He never touched them. And
he never hit me in front of the kids, always just when they were not around,
but the oldest boys, they knew what was going on as they saw my bruises and
heard my tears.
The nurses informed the police
but Andrew denied it, telling them I was lying and of course I he beat me up
after this, saying I was useless, a liar and an unfit person. This made me
again believe I deserved everything I had been getting. However since the
split, I have been receiving help and attending support groups and now believed
I was not to blame. It wasn't my fault, nothing I ever did or would ever do
deserved behaviour like Andrew’s.
However, now I had decided I had,
had enough of everything and this would be the last time Andrew would try and get
control over me. It was not only was he
physical abusive I suffered from, but mental and emotional as well. He knew how to get into my head and what
buttons to press. I was now a much
stronger, more confident person and I don’t think Andrew actually expected the
strength I had gained since he left us.
I kept hitting Andrew, and
thought I had control over him, but he started fighting back at me using his
old tricks. He came at me from behind and pushed me to the ground, getting on
top of me and taking control of my hands bringing them behind my back. I kept
fighting back, and managed to get one arm free from his control.
Out of the corner of my eye I
noticed a brick which being used as a door stop. I grabbed it with my free hand
and hit Andrew on the side of the head with it.
He collapsed on top of me and I managed to push him off me, where he lay
on the floor completely still. I couldn't
hear him breathing, I think I had just killed him. Of course I wasn't going to
let on, so I let a scream out of me, someone came running and when they saw
Andrew on the floor I said he slipped and fell.
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