Life: Anxiety

I suffer from anxiety, it is part of my MS and it is probably just part of my human make-up.  It is an awful thing to have as not many people understand it and don’t get my fear of being in crowds because of the possibility of panic attacks.  To me, anxiety real, it’s an illness.

However, as a Christian, I sometimes feel that people think I shouldn't be anxious or have anxiety issues as it says in the Bible “Do not be anxious” and “Cast all your cares on me”.  And with Jesus we should have joy and not despair.  This is all well and good and yes I do try to give everything to God and cast my cares on him, but anxiety is an illness, it is real.

Anxiety is a normal healthy reaction, but it doesn't feel healthy. When you are anxious your bodily systems speed up.  In certain circumstances this can be a definite advantage.  It means that you are ready for action and enables you to respond quickly if necessary.  It doesn't feel like this for me. And moderate amounts of anxiety are meant to actually improve your performance.  I get very anxious in interviews, and it isn't very helpful.

Anxiety really becomes a problem when it interferes with our everyday lives, which it does for me.  For example I get anxious going to church and it is very difficult for me sometimes to walk through the church door, but I do it. Sometimes I want to leave church halfway through the service but I stay rooted.  Then there is coffee afterwards – the anxiety rules me here – my instinct is to run away, and sometimes I do, but that is not always the best idea.  Sometimes we have to fight the anxiety.

Why is a church a problem?

a) Because I walk in alone and never know where to sit or who with.

b) Because when I first took ill with my MS I got dizzy and had a few bad spells in church, so my brain goes into danger alert as it doesn’t want to go through that again.

I could easily sit at home and not go to church, and sometimes I do.  But how does that help me? It doesn’t, it denies me the chance to go to worship God and fellowship with other believers.

Anxiety is a normal health reaction. For me it doesn’t feel like that.  You cannot banish anxiety completely from your life but what we do need to do, it learn to manage it.  Something I struggle with.

So how does anxiety make me feel?

1. Worried
2. Nervous
3. Panicky
4. Stressed Out
5. Worked Up
6. On Edge

It is normal to feel anxious before exams/interviews.  It is only considered an illness when you feel that way all of or nearly all of the time.  And I do, I shake, I panic, my heart beats fast and I feel queasy.  This is generalised anxiety – but my goal is to not let it rule but to manage it.  I take tablets but they don’t cure me.

As I said before, anxiety, I believe is part of my human make-up, as anxiety usually effects those who are more sensitive, those with an emotional nervous system. Their bodies’ arousal response might be triggered more quickly and take a longer time to calm down.

It is important as I mentioned before not to let the anxiety rule you, we need to manage it. It is also important not to compare yourself to others or let others tell you how you should be behaving.

But we need to remember why anxiety affects us in order to manage it.  What keeps anxiety alive?    

a) Because of the way you behave, especially if you avoid the situation you fear.

  b) Because of beliefs you have about the situation and its consequences

For example, some people avoid meeting other people because they believe that they will be rejected and they will not be able to cope with the feeling of rejection.  This is one of the reasons for my anxiety.  But it is true or is it an exaggerated, irrational belief about what will happen in the feared situation?

I find it helpful to evaluate my thinking when I am anxious, but I admit this can be difficult to do and it doesn’t always work but like I keep saying, it’s important for me to manage the anxiety as I don’t want it or can’t afford it to ruin my life – If I did I would just sit at home all day, watch TV and eat – eventually isolating myself from life and friends.  Not good for me as depression kicks in.